Thursday will have to do.

It’s a little after 8am. I’m sitting in the dim and quiet with coffee, waiting for the rest of the house to wake up. It’s just me and the sound of the passing train and traffic, leaves on the street, and the possibly squirrel that’s trying to share our house.  I slept in until 7:30, which is not so unusual in and of itself but I’m not usually alone when that happens.

It’s been a long semester. I’m not doing well (read: “failing”) in one class which is a choke point for getting into med school at all let alone in a timely fashion. I have to figure out how to pass Organic Chemistry 1 & 2, with a C or better, not at a community college, and not take three years to complete the series. (I’m struggling with Calculus 2 as well, but that one’s not included in my GPA and isn’t required by most schools.)

Guilt: Refusing to move out temporarily so I can give up sleep and spending any time at all with my family in favor of studying.

Pleasure: still having a family.

Some day I will see my friends again. Some day I will pick up my hobbies where I left off. Some day I will stop and go dancing every weekend. Some day I will feel able to relax and laugh and enjoy my life again. That day is not today.

I’m technically on vacation this week. That really means that after I spend some time with my sister (who is in town for a limited time) I need to study Calculus and possibly O-chem daily, for hours. I don’t have to attend classes this week so I’ve got the time. I don’t have any excuses. If I fail to take advantage of the opportunity it’s my own fault. My son doesn’t even have the full week off so I’ve got three days of uninterrupted uninterrupted to start off.

Thursday, however, I cook. Period. End of story. I cook and spend it with my family and any friends who decide to drop in. The day is not special because it’s a recognized holiday, it’s special because it’s a day I’m setting aside specifically and intentionally.

I’ll give thanks for the classes I’m doing well in, and for the things that have gone right in the ones I’m not. I’ll give thanks for a roof over my head and heat in the house, and clothes to keep out the drafts when I’m outside, and for a well-stocked kitchen, and for a family that’s still with me.

Hopefully things will settle down in a few weeks when the semester ends, I’ll have final grades, I’ll have a clear plan, I’ll have some time to relax and get rid of some stress. I’ll spend time with my family.

For now I’ve got Thursday.

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