I’m not cutting and pasting anything. I’m not changing my avatar. I’m not boycotting or blacking out in protest. I’m taking the time to write this out by hand. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that feels too much like letting them win. If people hear about a big protest and then there’s enough internet up and running that they aren’t really affected by it they might decide it’s not that big a deal after all so long as their online activities remain unchanged.

Do I think there’s a lot of crap out there I don’t want to see and that probably shouldn’t be allowed on the web? Well.. yes, emotionally I do. But I also realize that what I think of in that light might not be what the next person considers harmful or dangerous, and they might not like my favorite online comics, or authors, or my friends’ political opinions, or my political opinions. The point is that we’ve got the ability and the right to express ourselves without fear of governmental recrimination and being dragged out of our homes in the night and disappearing. Other countries’ citizens may not. That’s kind of the whole reason for that bit that got written into law a long time ago.

I get really irritated by political dogma being repeated over and over without any thought behind it. I get annoyed by people who spout intolerant and hateful drivel. I get really pissed off when someone else’s ranting religious ideology gets crammed down my throat. But I also realize that all means there’s equal time for opposing viewpoints on the web. I’ve got the ability to post a counterpoint, or simply ignore it, or unfriend someone, or block a site, or report it if it really really upsets me or is illegal.

Yes, there are things I’d really rather not see. No, I don’t like all the things I may run into out there, squicks included, but that doesn’t mean that there should be a blanket ability granted to shut down anything the government or a regulating organization deems undesirable. It should be handled on a case by case basis by the internet providers. Sites get taken down every day, child pornography gets removed and prosecuted, and that anti-government and pro-terrorist manifesto with instructions on how to build your own bomb at home will probably be followed up by someone if it’s brought to the attention of the FBI or the FCC, but the manifesto’s author still has the right to speak their mind even if most of us consider it delusional or dangerous.

So no, thanks, I don’t want SOPA or PIPA to be enacted; the internet can police itself.

It’s been a little busy, and not really in a fun way. I failed Organic Chemistry with a resounding F, but passed the lab course with a B-.. go figure. I also failed Calculus 2 but that was due in part to my giving up on it to focus my efforts on O-chem, much good it did me. I have decided I need to not try teaching myself math online. (See? Valuable and expensive lesson learned!)

I took my son to go visit my mother for a week. It was lovely. The weather was the same as in Syracuse, which is very unusual for Syracuse. I relaxed, we visited, we went to an air & space museum near Sea-Tac, it was a nice time. There’s a medical school in Seattle which is steadily creeping up my “top 30″ list. Now if they only had a particle accelerator to keep my husband busy…

The silver lining to the O-chem cloud is that it’s cleared up my scheduling conflicts nicely for this semester, and given me the added bonus of an entire year to schmooze professors for letters of recommendation. Yippee. Lucky me. A whole year before I can apply. See, I’m smiling.

I’ll be teaching my human sexuality course again this year. I’m tweaking things and lining up guest speakers. I also have a TA this time around. I had 56 students last year, which is a lot of quizzes and papers to grade so I get a little help. Of course we’ve only got 11 signed up so far, but we had a huge influx at the beginning of the semester last year too. I’m not sure if they’ll let me keep the help if we don’t get higher enrollment.

We’re getting our first real snow this morning. The plow just went by. I need to see where the snow banks end this winter so I’ll know the safe zone for roadside planting. (No sidewalks to clearly delineate the “crush zone”.) I’ve been playing in my head, and on paper, with a planting scheme for trees and bushes. We need to get a badly sited blue spruce out of the end of the driveway, and possibly a little work done on a Norway maple which straddles the property line, but mostly lives on and leans to the neighbor’s side. I’d actually like to take the sucker down and put something a little smaller in on our side of the line, but it’s up to them ultimately. (It needs hacking back and a cable due to a split trunk/being two trees grown together and a few other issues.) So I’m hitting the nursery catalogs and calculating the damage and inquiring into what the budget might look like. I want to get fruit trees and edible landscaping going. (Yes, I realize the trees need to be sited where I plan on their staying with an eye to mature size: see comment about the spruce.) I have a not overly large lot, and every square foot is going to count. There are a few roses I want to get, some ferns (the front yard is basically full shade and I found some really zingy ferns), and at least one lilac because sometimes you need things that are just pretty. I’m even thinking of trying to grow a hardy fig on the south wall of the house. Strawberries are a must, and fresh herbs make the world go round. Most of what I’m looking at could be moved after the first year if I decided that I really wanted them in a raised bed or maybe over there.

I’m still going through withdrawal since I couldn’t really do a garden last year owing to being away at planting time (and then we moved as soon as I got back, and a thousand other things). Anyone who has ever lived with a gardener will tell you this is a dangerous thing. I’m probably going to end up with either a horticultural mess or more fruit and veggie than my family can possibly consume, but dammit this year I will have tomatoes!

Now, Mr Snowplow, show me your secrets.. I have plots to hatch.

It’s been a long semester. I’m not doing well (read: “failing”) in one class which is a choke point for getting into med school at all let alone in a timely fashion. I have to figure out how to pass Organic Chemistry 1 & 2, with a C or better, not at a community college, and not take three years to complete the series. (I’m struggling with Calculus 2 as well, but that one’s not included in my GPA and isn’t required by most schools.)

Guilt: Refusing to move out temporarily so I can give up sleep and spending any time at all with my family in favor of studying.

Pleasure: still having a family.

Some day I will see my friends again. Some day I will pick up my hobbies where I left off. Some day I will stop and go dancing every weekend. Some day I will feel able to relax and laugh and enjoy my life again. That day is not today.

I’m technically on vacation this week. That really means that after I spend some time with my sister (who is in town for a limited time) I need to study Calculus and possibly O-chem daily, for hours. I don’t have to attend classes this week so I’ve got the time. I don’t have any excuses. If I fail to take advantage of the opportunity it’s my own fault. My son doesn’t even have the full week off so I’ve got three days of uninterrupted uninterrupted to start off.

Thursday, however, I cook. Period. End of story. I cook and spend it with my family and any friends who decide to drop in. The day is not special because it’s a recognized holiday, it’s special because it’s a day I’m setting aside specifically and intentionally.

I’ll give thanks for the classes I’m doing well in, and for the things that have gone right in the ones I’m not. I’ll give thanks for a roof over my head and heat in the house, and clothes to keep out the drafts when I’m outside, and for a well-stocked kitchen, and for a family that’s still with me.

Hopefully things will settle down in a few weeks when the semester ends, I’ll have final grades, I’ll have a clear plan, I’ll have some time to relax and get rid of some stress. I’ll spend time with my family.

For now I’ve got Thursday.

I can now treat malaria using materials found in the carbonated beverage aisle of the grocery store. I have purified quinine from tonic water!

I can also distill fuel to rush you to the hospital and give you a stiff drink to make you not care about the quinine’s nasty taste.  (Distillation of ethyl alcohol from a fermented solution!)

Next we’ll be analyzing tomato soup and carrot juice for nutrients of some kind (I’m a little fuzzy on that one..) and then we make aspirin! For the hangovers, no doubt.

Organic chemistry lab is a lot more useful than I’d anticipated!

They quit their jobs in NYC, moved their stuff to Syracuse (from the sound of it to one of the rooms we just left and our old shed. Glad it could be of use, we hated to leave it behind!) and are now happily biking and blogging away.

Wow!

I’m hoping their luck and the weather both hold for them.

I didn’t hear the news until my husband told me after talking with my aunt and uncle (cousin’s mom and dad) at our housewarming party. They were long gone at that point, so I didn’t get to wish them luck.

I’ve linked to their blog “About a Route”. They’re teachers, of COURSE they’re blogging about the experience! And since they’re both teachers it should be fairly well written. Which is always a nice touch.

I am recovering from trying to complete the first Calc 2 exam of my online course. “Ick” does not sum it up. We were told outright we could use books and notes, but not other people. It was “based” on “problems like those you’ve seen in your textbook”. Based on them in the same way that DeathMetal is based on The Beatles.. or possibly Balinese atonal compositions.
So it took me several hours to do 14 questions (or give up on one from each section which we were supposed to do all but one of each). Then I copied it over for (relative) legibility, as we can scan it and then send it as an attachment. Except that the receiving site said the attachment was too big, then wouldn’t accept seven smaller attachments of one page each. Today being Sunday the doors on campus were locked and I couldn’t get to the professor’s office to drop it off, so that will have to happen tomorrow.

On to writing up the Organic Chemistry lab! We extracted caffeine from tea we brewed. That lab made me want scones, but we couldn’t drink the tea, and they wouldn’t let us keep the caffeine either which is a pity since I could have used it. On the bright side I seem to have synthesized caffeine which is purer than the pure caffeine they gave us to use as a melting point control.

We had a party last night. I’m referring to it as the “house lukewarming” since we’ve been here for 2 months, and we have set up house no fewer than 7 times in the last 18 years, not including this one. (My personal record is 4 1/2 years in one place, my goal is 8: not in the nursing home.) Suffice it to say, friends came over and food and beverage happened. People even took us seriously when we said “PLEASE! No more stuff!”.

So now what I really want to do is go get more pumpkin coffee. And maybe a pumpkin muffin to go with it. And pumpkin ice cream from Gannon’s to keep them company. And some apple pie ice cream so the pumpkin doesn’t get lonely..

So life got busy again. No real surprises there..

This blog entry was about to turn into a litany of woe and aggravation, but nobody likes a whiner. I’ll just turn it into a list of victories snatched from the jaws of defeat, shall I?

I found out that the five weeks spent itching in the Adirondacks netted me a B+ and an A (!) which miraculously hauled my pathetic GPA up to a 3.0. (I’m still not going outside ever again.)

I passed Calculus with a B- despite having taken it over 5 weeks on-campus instead of over 10 online. This may be just about the highest math grade I’ve earned since sixth grade.  Which was the last time math seemed as easy as it just did, come to think of it.

I painted every vertical surface in the house that was (IMHO) in need of it. The rest of the walls are either unfinished or close enough for now.

I have managed to sneak in 9 whole books around the edges in the last two weeks. Since I’d been planning on plowing through them in a matter of four days, that speaks volumes. One and 2/3 to go. And the 2/3 is a thick one. And classes start Monday which is three days from now. Except for Calc 2. Which brings us to:

So you know how you have that nightmare where you show up for class and they just took the final the week before (clothing is optional in this dream)? Well, I just got a small taste of what that would be like. I attend one college, they start Monday. I am taking Calculus at another college (long story involving Organic Chemistry devouring my entire semester and refusing to let other classes play nicely). That other college, despite being part of the same state school system, apparently does not use the same calendar. They might be using whatever came before Julian, or possibly something from the Zhou dynasty.. I’m not really sure. What that means is that I was bopping along all happy with my carefully crafted schedule for Fall, and then spent about five days after finding out I’d passed Calc 1 with a high enough grade to take Calc 2 trying to relax and finish painting the house (and..) only to discover on Tuesday of this week that when I went to register for the online Calc 2 course IT HAD STARTED MONDAY. Not only that, but registration was allegedly closed. So I screamed, then hyperventilated. When I stopped doing that I calmly called the Registrar’s office to explain that there appeared to be six (virtual) seats out of 20 still available and asked if they’d like to take my money. Budget cuts being what they are they snatched that check as fast as they could and I’m enrolled. And running three days behind. But I’ve got all semester to really get in trouble, so I’ve got a good head start.

So yeah, not naked.. but it was a leeetle to close for comfort. Someone else is having trouble with one of the problems I’m having trouble with too. The online homework service refuses to admit that myself, my calculator and an online program are providing it with the correct answer. We three agree, it does not, and unfortunately it’s the one assigning the grade. So the fact that someone else is having the same exact problem makes me feel better. A little. Not much.

My math and physics tutor is currently bagging high peaks with our son in the Adirondacks and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow. I will force him to help me understand because HE OWES ME. Someone unplugged the extension cord that the big chest freezer was hooked up to so they could use the drill press (or check to make sure it still plugged in or something) and then neglected to plug the extension cord back in. In 80F weather. In the garage. Imagine my surprise when I went to put the salsa I made in the freezer some undetermined amount of time later. (Luckily not everything had thawed completely, and there was still the better part of a 18lb bag of ice recognizably present.) All I am going to say on the matter is that when there’s over 1/2″ of water/whatever in the bottom of your freezer and you go to pick up a paper bag with 5lbs of thick cut rolled oats and the ordinarily over-engineered bag gives way just when you’ve almost got it up over the edge and you watch as the contents kerflump down into the mire, once you stop wailing and gnashing your teeth and tearing your hair and railing at the gods (or at least whoever unplugged the damned freezer), once you can see clearly through the tears again, the oatmeal is actually very absorbent and relatively easy to scoop out with a dustpan, soggy and heavy though that is. Don’t ask me about the rest of it, it’s almost safe for someone to come home tomorrow. That was Wednesday.

So yesterday I made my annual pilgrimage for the second time in as many weeks and replaced the oats. And the 50lb bag of bread flour. And picked up 25lbs of whole wheat flour, possibly out of spite but mostly because they were out last trip. It’s all in the freezer now. Safe. I will go to the farmer’s market tomorrow and pick up more peaches, and tomatoes. I am going to make jam with at least some of the peaches, because both of the other residents of the house requested it. And because you can’t unplug jam.

So that brings us to today.

There was this introduction to a doctor back in March or April that I was graciously given. She in turn then gave me the name of another doctor in the pathology department of one of the hospitals (the one which I’m hoping to get accepted to for med school). He met with me and in turn gave put me in touch with someone in his department who would be willing to let me shadow them for a day or two. Then life decided to make things interesting. Both the local doctors got very busy with stuff and nothing happened. I went away for five weeks. I came back and tried again. This went back and forth a few times. I got an email late Tuesday saying “can you come in tomorrow first thing?” which I didn’t see until 2pm or thereabouts on Wednesday (remember Wednesday?), so my reply was “um. no?”. So we rescheduled for this morning. 6:45 arrival time to make the 7:00 interdisciplinary meeting he needed to attend. No problem! I got out my clothes, showered, did an extra spiffy job of flossing, set the alarm on my phone for 5:30 am and went to sleep at a reasonable hour, fully confident that I would be able to make it with time to spare.

So I woke up this morning and had two nearly simultaneous thoughts in roughly this order: “Why is it so bright so early, the alarm hasn’t gone off and it must only be about 4:30″ and “I should look at the clock”. My next, slightly more coherent and considerably more adrenaline-fueled thought was “(unprintable)! It’s 6:15!!! (even more unprintable)!” That’s right, I had half an hour to get up, dressed, presentable, and THERE or I was going to be late for this appointment I’d been trying to get for almost six months. I went a little out of my way to get through the drive-through at Dunkin’ because me with no food or coffee was not going to make it to 8am without passing out. Except that there were four cars in line so I ran in and made it out again fairly quickly. I think I scared the clerk though, I must have looked like I’d already downed a pot and a half or used a LOT of methamphetamine.  I was awake enough to realize that The Great New York State Fair was open, so the highway was right out as a flight plan. I went down the main street, then hit downtown traffic at 6:43 (Noooooo… sooo clooose..). I managed to get to the parking garage at 6:50 and hit the desk less than three minutes later where the nice man was waiting patiently for me. Then it took another three minutes for the guard to print out my visitor’s pass. So we were at least three minutes late for the meeting that he was leading. (Way to make a good first impression!) Still, for a trip that should normally take at least 20 minutes, making it in under 45 from a dead sleep is not too shabby. Of course I realized as I was pulling into the garage that I’d forgotten my deodorant in the rush to get out the door. At least I’d remembered to brush my teeth.

The rest of the day there went much better, and I was even offered the opportunity to come back and do it again/more. It was actually pretty fun, (I’m odd, I know. Microscope slides make my eyes light up.) and I understood a lot more than I thought I would, which I think is a good sign. I will definitely take him up on his gracious invitation as soon as our schedules permit. Which could be my third year of Residency at this rate, but it’s worth a shot!

I’ve got upstairs as done as I’m getting it for now, over half the kitchen, and I made my son move his bed yesterday so I can start cutting in. Yay paint! I love paint! (Or am I just giddy from the fumes?)

The living room’s next after that, and probably the front entry way.

Basement’s on its own until my husband decides if he’s living down there or not, after that we may paint to perk it up a little… or not and go industrial/mad scientist with it.

Someday the godawful matted grey carpeting upstairs will go away, along with the worn rolled out linoleum under it, and there will be hardwoods or something.  Same for the slightly less godawful nearly-nappy carpet downstairs in the living room, and in son’s room. Plus: back room and space over the garage to finish off. Whee! More paint!

Rodney the Betta is sitting at my elbow, happily blowing bubbles in his bowl.

My son has just started practicing piano after a very large and delicious dinner at Eva’s. (Eva’s European Sweets on Milton for the uninitiated. Go get initiated.) It was his twelfth birthday today, and they sang him a song in Polish.. which I’m hoping was something polite and cheerful about birthdays and good luck and/or health.. but I can’t be certain. A fairly conservative looking couple at a nearby table joined in so we’ll just presume it was nothing too bawdy. The meal was courtesy of our Realtor Betsy, who gave us a gift certificate at closing after hearing me wax rhapsodic about the place.  (Yes, it’s that good.)

We spent the day continuing the moving process. An enormous thank you to Dorin, Karin, Julia&Bob, and Keith&Ed for helping over the last several days. Especially the latter pair for moving a whole bunch of heavy stuff in the heat. We are in your moving-karmic debt.  Karin is also moving herself, so she gets an extra helping of Om on that one.

We’re unloaded, getting organized and unpacked, and I’ve bought paint. We’re going back for round two tomorrow which involves a rental van and appliances. I’ll also be bringing a select representative cadre of plants with me that I am unwilling to leave behind. I may not have much space, but I intend to fill it all. There’s also a guy coming over to open the pool tomorrow at some point. (Above-ground, and he said it was smaller than he’s used to working on so it would cost a little less. Pleasant surprise!)

The ceiling fans are thrumming along, and we’re moving on to practicing trumpet. Rodney’s settled down to the bottom of the bowl. A neighbor’s mowing their lawn, and the traffic has slowed down some.  It’s fairly hushed. (Okay now the trumpet’s making a mockery of that assertion.)

I’m tired, but I’ve got almost a quarter of my kitchen back. I took a Calculus test on Friday, and need to spend some quality time with the mathematics of change today and tomorrow. Finding derivatives using the limit method this weekend, then she’ll teach us the “easy” way after the next class.

It’s quiet and peaceful in a noisily domestic sort of way.

Guilt: Not whipping through unpacking in one night.

Pleasure: Being able to unpack in our new home.

So I went to Cranberry Lake in the Adirondacks for five straight weeks (barring the one day they kicked us out between sessions). There I learned many things, including how to itch in new and exciting ways. When I wasn’t sweating and damp I was chilled and wet. (Nothing dries up there, even after twice through the dryer, so you start smelling funny after the first week.)

Field Ethnobotany the second session with Dr. Kimmerer and the Ethnobots was the highlight of the experience and the only thing that kept me from swimming home and giving up on my degree after the first three weeks.

You don’t understand how much I itched. Black flies, deer flies, horse flies, stable flies, punkies, mosquitoes, pollen, Idon’tevenknowwhat, and apparently the lake water all shared the joy of playing the “make her wake up scratching uncontrollably” game. Whee.

At least there was only one night where I got woken up at 3am for a medical problem, and only one night where I woke up to someone puking outside my unheated cabin and people running around screaming and drunk/whatever half the night. I was afraid it was going to be every night.

I feel bad that I wasn’t enjoying it. Sure, it’s pretty up there. Sure, it’s an amazing place to learn field work and immerse yourself in ecological studies. But no, I’m sorry.. sharing a cabin with strangers who are all young enough to be your children, and being surrounded by 100 other people almost none of whom you have very much in common, and being essentially forcibly isolated from the outside world and your family (thanks so much for denying us internet access for the first two weeks, especially after I’d promised my child I’d email every day, thanks guys), and feeding us the equivalent of school lunches every day which they tried to make what should have been good food if they’d just been able to cook at all, and… it just generally wasn’t fun. I hated it. I was miserable and nearly in tears every day.  The kids were (mostly) very nice (with the exception of two of my six cabinmates the first three weeks who were some of the most immature and obnoxious people I’ve ever been forced to deal with in a non-professional capacity in the nearly 40 years I’ve walked this good green earth and I found myself hoping every day that they both fell off cliffs. Which is not nice, or a healthy place to be mentally, which says a lot about that situation.) and I appreciated that and tried not to complain because not only would it not do any good, but they were all running around having the time of their lives and totally jazzed on it.  So I smiled, and participated, and encouraged, and got on with it. One day at a time.

I kind of resent it, because I was just getting to the point where I was enjoying going out for a weekend tenting with my family and even climbed a mountain with them last year. But by the middle of the first week I’d had a lifetime supply of Adirondacks, and was starting to think I’d never voluntarily go outside again, possibly even giving up gardening.

Which brings us full circle. I’m home again.  The one day I came back between sessions the roses were in bloom, so at least I didn’t miss that.  The lawnmower was dropped off for repairs May 9, and we were told it had to be shipped to Boston for repairs and wouldn’t be back until May 22. Fine, Sears (yes I’m using their name specifically and calling them out on this), fine. Go ahead and streamline in a way that inconveniences your customers.  So it still wasn’t back when I left on Memorial Day.  I get home around June 20 and it’s STILL NOT BACK. The lawn is up to mid-thigh in some places because the reel mower we’d gotten to hold us over that first couple of weeks really isn’t up to the job since the lawn had gotten so tall so quickly this spring which is why we were getting the mower fixed since it unexpectedly decided to spring a leak in a gas hose. This is a month from the original return date, mind you, a month.  I contacted them and indicated my displeasure, that I found the situation unacceptable and untenable, and furthermore they were either getting me my lawnmower back or giving us a loaner because it was completely ridiculous. (They were assuring me that it was repaired on June 17 and in transit somewhere, probably arriving two days later… but they weren’t sure.)  So after I got done talking between clenched teeth, we were able to go pick up a loaner. I left the next morning bright and early.  It was too late in some places and when I got back last week the grass was up to almost my shoulders in some spots, no joke.. but we’ve got our mower back, and the back and front yards are (mostly) under control. Except for where my gardening is, because Himself fears to tread there lest he mow or pull the wrong thing.  (Entirely my fault for not forcing him to learn the difference, I know.) He jokes that he separates the plant world into “dandelions and not dandelions”.  So I think I’ve found all my berry bushes. There’s two volunteer tomato plants.. in Syracuse.. I don’t think they’re going to make it to fruit set, but I admire their moxy.

So today we pick berries, which are ripening/ready.

We’re also buying a house and moving probably next week, so we’re loading up the PODS. (I will never use a moving van again if I can avoid it, I love this method that much. I think I’d love having someone come in pack me up and move it for me even better but it’s expensive and I’m not working.)

Plus I’m failing online Calculus and have to run around dropping it and adding the in-person five week course that starts next week.

Um.. I think that’s it for now.

CLBS-

Guilt: Wishing people dead or at least gone.

Pleasure: Contemplating helping things along.

Home-

Guilt: Being gone so long and not taking care of things here.

Pleasure: Being here again.